Punitive Leadership Styles

I was tidying up the books beside our bed recently and saw a
book my husband Tom was reading: "The Sociopath Next Door"
by Martha Stoudt, Ph.D.

I remembered reading that book several years ago during a
particularly traumatic time I was experiencing with my boss.

Sure enough, Tom was grappling with a boss who was singling
him out for public ridicule.

Over my twenty three  year work history, I had three bosses who
seemed to be insane. After dealing repeatedly with their
psychotic behavior, screaming and yelling at me  and others in
front of patients, or pulling me into their office for some sort
of half baked improvement plan strategy, I know now, in retrospect,
that all three of these people were and maybe still are--sociopaths.

I have a theory. The brilliant books on Emotional and Social Intelligence
by Daniel Goleman, have created a backlash in the workplace at large
here in America.

These books explain the necessity for respect, camaraderie and a
social/emotional IQ that people can develop, if they are so motivated.

When the books first came out, I thought they would transform the workplace
with great change towards a new paradigm of workplace liberation.

I thought these books would single handedly help people to transform
their perspective and help them to at least become more aware of who
they are in this life time.

While buying Goleman's latest book, "Social Intelligence," copyright 2006,
last week at Border's, I asked the gentleman helping me to find the book,
what he thought of my theory: that the Emotional Intelligence books have created
a workplace environment that can only be described as backlash directly
because of the ideas presented in the books.

The Border's employee agreed with my assessment. We got into a spirited
discussion about his experience as an educator.

He said that fifteen years ago, he was a public school administrator with
freedom to implement programs that were good for the children, helping them
to think, puzzle through solutions to problems, and fostering artistic
expression.

As time went on, the "higher ups" put a stop to many of the programs that he
personally helped to start.

He said that by the time he retired from the Public School system, and I'm sure
"no child left behind" was a contributing factor, the schools were at best
factories, at worst prisons, that suppressed creativity and innovation among
the students.

My husband, Tom, works in Alternative Education, or Alt Ed. He tells me that
the children are fed the same dry and unimaginative lessons plans year after year
which they can't comprehend, due to their learning disabilities.

Tom tells me that these lesson plans are an extreme example of lack of
creativity which does nothing to foster self-esteem and social skills.

Tom's sociopathic boss is neurotic about paper work and seems to think that
this is the most important part of the education of these students.

She also has no concept of good nutrition. If a child behaves, this woman
believes in rewarding them with candy and a soda.

Then she takes away their activity period after they go bonkers on
the sugar.

Why do people like this have zero common sense?

Why do people like us have to endure their stupidity and insanity?

Besides the fact that difficult people can be the catalyst for spiritual
growth!

Business, Health Care and Education are all dictated to by Corporate
powers here in America. The lack of empathy that trickles down from
the very top where the bottom line is always about money, is what teachers,
nurses, law enforcement and business people must face on the front lines.

But what if every leader saw their employees as their customers? And these
customers are to be served, loved and understood?

Studies show that bosses who listen and empathize with their employees have
a harmonious work force where retention is achieved because people want to
be there and actually want to show up!!

Bosses who create a resonance between themselves and their employees are
successful leaders. A give and take is created whereby when difficult situations
arise, the team comes together to solve the problem.

Studies show that when people like the boss, productivity rises and so
does the time a person stays on the job.

Goleman says that "people don't want to work for a toxic boss at any wage
except to save enough "screw you" money to quit with security.

"Socially intelligent leadership starts with being fully present and getting
in sync. Once a leader is engaged, then the full panoply of social
intelligence can come into play, from sensing how people feel and why,
to interacting smoothly enough to move people into a positive state."

The dysfunctional bosses I once had and Tom now has resorts to yelling and
screaming, throwing papers and eye rolling to show disdain and frustration.

These toxic emotions are contagious.

So are the positive emotions elicited from respect, civility and kindness.

Camaraderie and harmony in the workplace is what I have always strived for.
When it falters, as it has for Tom, and at times for me, and obvious abuse
is dolled out everyday to teachers, or nurses and whom ever else, then I
say, file a grievance.

And send these people back to the Psychiatric Hospital where they belong.

Kate Loving Shenk

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Kate Loving Shenk is a writer, healer, musician and the creator
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nurses to love their work and to prevent on-the-job-burnout.
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Comments

[Joan Adams]

Wow! So true! I actually left a job and never returned because of a "screaming idiot". Because my jobs were usually clerical in nature, I could very easily walk -- with no notice -- as I got older. Clerical help is considered cheap, easy to replace. But to leave with no notice was a "gotcha", and I knew always created havoc in my leaving suddenly. Honestly, I never have felt guilty about a single job I left that way. In over 40 years in the workplace, I was blessed with some really fantastic bosses, and also some of the worst. I left jobs where I worked 3 weeks notice and on one particular job, I worked a two month notice. But my style of leaving was always dependent on the respect I had for my employer. And that respect was always earned, not automatically given because of position. One of the best bosses I ever had was Bill Boulware. He was the principal at the Alternative School and I was his secretary. I learned so much from him and I left there only because he pushed me -- as he did everyone -- to do more and better! Actually I wrote about him after his death -- one of the true heroes and genuine educators of my lifetime. Thank you, Bill, for being such a great boss and dear friend.Bill Boulware - A Life Well Lived
Click on my name to read my story.

[Laura Whitelaw]

Great article Kate - it's truly sad that the psychotic ones in an organization frequently get into leadership roles. This isn't the first time I've heard stories like this as a resume writer. But I suppose it's good for my business 'cause a lot of people just won't put up with leaders like that. I've worked for a few people like that myself in the past and believe me - they sure didn't get the best out of me and as soon as I had the chance, I was outta there!

Cheers! Laura

[kate loving shenk]

hi Joan and Laura,

Thanks so much for your input.

I work nights to escape the lunatic fringe.

But we become sleep deprived lunies but harmless, I dare say!!

Thanks again!!

[Marg]

Hi Kate,

Great article. I like your ideas about bosses who are sociopaths. I had one of them once...but only one, thank God. It's always difficult when dealing with someone like that. My thoughts are with you and your husband at this time.

I hate to be the editor but I just have to tell you so you can fix it. In your fourth paragraph you wrote "Over my twenty-three work history" I assumed you meant to write Over my twenty-three year work history...

I never know whether to provide these observations or to keep my mouth shut. However, if it were me I'd want to know. Hope this was helpful.

Marg

[Kate Loving Shenk]

Hi Marg--

Glad you only had ONE sociopath for a boss!!

LOL!!

And thanks for the editing insight!! I changed it immediately!!

Love,

Kate